The Messy Bun

Alexandra Rivera // @ayyorivera  photo 212b1c2a-f33d-4397-a66f-2378a286149c_zpsb4aef27e.jpg // 19 // Fashion Institute of Technology // Free People //

And my head told my heart
Let love grow
But my heart told my head
This time no

God walked on water, Matt Schultz walks on humans. CAGE THE ELEPHANT EVERYONE! (at The NorVA)

God walked on water, Matt Schultz walks on humans. CAGE THE ELEPHANT EVERYONE! (at The NorVA)

Barcelona

I’m spending my last few moments in Barcelona at the airport trying not to let my watery eyes overflow.

I’ve always considered myself a realist when it comes to matters of the heart, to relationships. Some would call me a pessimist or even cold-hearted but after spending the past two weeks in Barcelona, I can say I believe in love. I believe that love at first sight maybe isn’t just a silly fallacy. That maybe it is possible to meet someone and feel something terrifying and beautiful all at once.

Something in me feels different. I don’t really understand it or know how to describe it myself, but your insides feel excessively jittery and you feel this persistent urge of awe and disbelief all while a swarm of butterflies dance around your stomach. Describing this feeling makes it sounds like this is me talking from first hand experience but as someone who is reluctant to analyze my own head, it only makes sense that I’m feeling this intensity through a friend to whom if I didn’t know any better I would insist was blood. I think that is what makes this even more extraordinary.

Seven hours. That’s all the time I spent with them. Seven hours was more than enough time. I don’t know much about it, but I believe love is something that happens when you aren’t trying to make it happen. You may not see it, but damn do you feel it. You feel it hard and all at once. It’s incredible and insane, even when it’s not happening to you. I think that’s what has taken me for a loop in this whole situation, that I feel this intense love for the connection between two people I love. It makes absolutely no sense and feels so incredibly extra-terrestrial. But it’s inspiring.

Thank you, Spain for bringing out all of these sappy feelings within me and for surrounding me with people who let me feel vicariously through them. For that, I’m grateful.

Back and forth between homes use to make me sea sick but I’ve learned to love the ocean and how to fight the current

I call this one the reverse duck face 👊

I call this one the reverse duck face 👊

whatchuu know about that bob life? #freshcut (at Alfredo Ray Salon)

whatchuu know about that bob life? #freshcut (at Alfredo Ray Salon)

Found my brother’s old skateboard in our garage and I just couldn’t resist.
@ayyorivera

Found my brother’s old skateboard in our garage and I just couldn’t resist.

@ayyorivera

Today I was thinking…

about beauty.

About how we look at ourselves as females and as individuals and it got me thinking about the transformation I have gone through from my fifteen year old days as a freshman in high school to college sophomore. 

There was a time not too long ago where I felt like I had to constantly be someone I just was not. I always felt like I had to look a certain way, wear the right labels, style my hair in a particular way, or sweep my eyeliner on in a perfect line to feel good about myself.

But of course that way of thinking ran out the back door screaming after I realized that I was becoming a clone of secondary school pressures. Now more than ever I can say that I am completely comfortable being myself. That means sporting a clean face, embracing my Cuban-born bushy and sometimes uncontrollable eyebrows, and kooky, usually frizzy head of hair. (Thank you, Leandra Medine and Lorde).That’s who I am. I thank god I have learned to embrace what makes me a little odd or out of the ordinary. 

Today actually marks three weeks exactly without a single drop or swipe of makeup across my face, not even my beloved falsies mascara. Honestly… I have never felt better about myself. Being able to feel comfortable in my own, natural skin is one of the most electrifying feelings. I’m my own definition of beautiful and that’s pretty badass in my opinion.

My dad just recently retired and I spent my winter vacation in Ormond Beach, FL with him. Absolutely no room for complaints- look at that beautiful beach! Of course, it wasn’t bikini weather just yet but it was still breathtaking. I could definitely get use to calling Florida my third home (after New York and DC)!